Photo By Reggie Cunningham

In her essay, Bad Feminist, Roxane Gay discusses the idea of what it means to be a feminist and how misconceptions of the term make her feel like a bad feminist. Gay talks about essential feminism and the idea that feminists commit to “anger, humorlessness, militancy, unwavering principles. . . hate pornography, unilaterally decry the objectification of women, don’t cater to the male gaze, hate men, hate sex, focus on career, don’t shave.” Though she knows this description is not what feminism actually is, Gay eventually succumbed to the negative implications surrounding the word and started to feel uncomfortable using the “feminist” to describe herself.

The connotation of the word “feminist” has changed. A lot of people hear the term feminist and instantly cringe or sneer. The idea of feminism is often lost now, moving away from the advocacy of women’s rights based on the equality of the sexes, and more towards hating men and looking down on women who continue to fulfill traditional roles. I think the point of feminism is, yes, equality between genders, but also allowing women to chose what they want to do. A woman shouldn’t be forced to be a say at home mom, but if that’s what she wants to do then she shouldn’t be ridiculed for it. (C)

There is an idea that a feminist will always be combative and aggressive. In other words, not a traditional, good woman. Gay describes an interaction with a boyfriend that ended with him calling her a feminist as an insult. It made her feel undesirable and ultimately fall silent. This reaction follows the idea that women are supposed to be passive and submissive. It’s the same behavior that make women ashamed for wanting or asking for anything, thus forcing them into a passive position.

Gay brings up the idea of categorization by quoting Melissa Leo, who said “Well, I don’t think of myself as a feminist at all. As soon as we start labeling and categorizing ourselves and others, that’s going to shut down the world.” There is a danger in categorization. Creating an Us vs. Them mentality will always create conflict, but it’s also how we find those who have similar interests and ideologies as us. When I make friends there are a few beliefs that I want to make sure we’re on the same page with. I look for feminists, people who support Black Lives Matter, and people who support gay rights. There are certain topics that are important to me that will tell me whether or not I want to be friends with a person and some of those will make or break a relationship. (R) At the same time, I know that immediate judgement is a dangerous thing, and many times I should be open to learning more about a person before putting them in a category.